I was dating a divorcee who is 44 years old. After his divorce he wasn't in any relationship for 4 years. Things were OK at first, but I noticed he was quick tempered. He threw cups, plates or bottles against the wall, smashed the TV set or punched the door and injured himself when he was angry. I was never allowed to so much as look at another guy or he’d accuse me of flirting with the man. We both work but when I collect my salary, I give him everything and I have to be begging colleagues for transport fare. He had accommodation issues so he moved in with me. I have a car but he uses it and I am not permitted to drive my car. The stress was just too much.
We went out on my birthday, I ordered for something strong and in the process I got a bit tipsy. Just then all my anger, pain and tension came out and I told him how I felt about the way he treats me. When we got back to my house he beat me seriously, hit my head severally on the wall, picked me and threw me on the floor three times, hit and broke the kitchen mop on my leg and I was bruised all over. While i was shouting for help, my neighbors called the vigilante guys who asked him to open the door or they would break it down and make sure they kill him.
When he opened the door, they dragged him out and gave him the beating of his life. He begged and when they left him, he quickly took his clothes and left the house. This wasn't the first time he beat me. He does it a lot. Aunty Muna, I know this sounds silly, but I do still love him and I miss him.
Should I ask him to come back? Initially he called and begged but I bluffed him. He told me that even though I humiliated him that he still loved me. We dated for 8 months and it has always been like this.
Please what do you think. Should we get back together? Should I forgive him and take him back? I really do miss him.
MY RESPONSE;
Sweetheart,
I’m sorry, but I don’t want to give you any hope of getting back with this man. Why would you want to go back to someone who has mentally and physically abused you? Just because you haven’t ended up with a broken head, with black eyes and broken bones doesn’t mean that’s not going to happen.
He clearly has issues and needs anger management counselling, but please darling, don’t make it your problem. In eight months he’s already lowered your self-esteem and made you terrified of even looking in the direction of another guy. He’s even blinded you to the fact that his violence is unacceptable because you want to get back with him. Have you even ever wondered why he’s been on his own for 4 years? It’s unlikely he hasn’t shown this violent side to his ex. Did he tell you why they broke up?
He takes your money, he drives your car, he lives in your house and the best way to appreciate you is to beat you blue black? My sweetheart, the truth is you won’t get the green light to resurrect this relationship from me. I think you’ve had a lucky escape this time. Your safety is very important and I hope you realize that if you go back you would still come out either dead or alive.
Please spend your time trying to find someone who deserves you. This man doesn’t. Under no circumstance should a man hit you once. Any man who hits a woman is a monster and monsters are drainage routs and should be avoided.
I'm sure your family still love you so please don't break their hearts by putting yourself up for death. Don't worry, the man who will love and cherish you is around the corner. Chillax.
One Love and God bless.
Aunty Muna.