How to Attract And Keep The Man Of Your Dreams

Do you already know what you want in a partner or spouse?

If you are a single lady, chances are you have envisioned your “dream guy.” He’s that perfect guy that’s handsome, smart, funny, and altogether well-rounded. Though they may be few and far between, dream guys do exist, you just have to know how to get them. You must ask yourself how do I attract and keep my dream spouse?

Well, I consider myself very lucky to be married to the man of my dreams. But it didn’t just happen. It took some time, thought, and some law of attraction to create this situation. I want to share what I did so you can use the same principles to attract the relationship of your dreams too.

I was very social growing up. I was attracted to people in general. I loved and still love interacting with people and getting to know them. I attracted my first boyfriend in primary 6. His name was Chinedu; a quiet and very intelligent kid that lived a few blocks away. One day he gave me a pack of TREE TOP (something like what my kids call Nutrition C today) so I knew he was a good guy who loved to share and care and we became friends. We were so close that our parents got involved and we became family friends and my mom will take me to their house every morning before school just so we could drive to school together. Cute, yeah, I know. We played together, took naps together on the rug, and all was well. Funny enough we are still best of friends today and our families are very close...

After my primary school episode i had many more boyfriends. Nothing serious though but they were always around me wanting to do stuff for me. Some would ask their mom for money to buy me food, gifts, drinks, books etc. There was Jonathan, Andrew, and lots more. But even though these little puppy love crushes were nothing serious, I was actually learning a lot about what I wanted in a man. Jonathan, my SS3 beau, was the smartest guy I ever met. He won all the quizzes, passed all the test, infact he got all the best student prizes on price giving day. It was at this time I learned that I was more attracted to intelligence than looks. This would come into play later.

In the university I met a young man who was very handsome and smart. Oh man I loved to talk to him. We would explore every topic under the sun, from fashion, to fast cars, to the knowledge of God, and the purpose of life and where he wanted to be when he graduated. Nothing thrilled me more than these in-depth discussions with this guy. He was very well-read and shared a lot of knowledge with me. Conversing with an intelligent, open-minded fellow really attracted me.

As time went on I started looking out for some traits in my friends. My first real relationship was with a really intelligent, handsome and smart guy called Ben who turned out to have anger issues. Hmmmmm that put me off immediately. I got far away from him and added “sense of humor” to my growing list of attributes that I wanted in a man. 

After that ended, I had some more guys as friends and then decided it was time to get serious about what I really wanted in a husband.

While I was single, I made a list. I wrote down the top 30 character traits I wanted in a future spouse. Then I actually distilled the list down to just 4 attributes. These were the deal breakers. I decided that I really needed all four of these and that if a guy didn’t have them, I would not pursue a relationship with him. Mind you, it was just four, so it wasn’t like he needed to satisfy 30 requirements. The 4 were: 

1. open-minded (about life, God, spirituality, etc.), 

2. a good sense of humor (this was important after my experience with Ben the anger-guy), 

3. extremely intelligent (he would need to put Einstein to shame), yes ooo.

4. and be a good father for my children (I have the best dad in the world and I wanted my kids to as well). So that was it.

It’s surprising how well this decisiveness served me. It was very easy for me to know pretty early on if a guy had all four of these attributes. I recall one time when I was working at an advertising agency. One of my colleagues developed a crush on me. Finally one day he asked me what I wanted in a man. I replied, “He has to be cerebral.” He said, “What does that mean?” To which I replied, “You’re not him.”

And so it was that I walked along looking for Mr. Right. Many men tried to attract my interest, but most fell short on one or more of the attributes. I wouldn’t budge. I knew myself too well. And I knew what I wanted and I refused to settle for less. I met a lot of guys who had some of the other traits on my original list of 30, but not my top 4. So they were just out of the picture... Period.

And then I met (let's call him) David. He had all the 4 qualities I wanted. As I got to know him, I discovered quickly that he had a great sense of humor. David was extremely intelligent, wanting to know everything there was to know about everything. I figured that was a good start for some great conversations. I immediately saw that he had extreme intelligence unlike anything I’d seen since my Jonathan back in my SS3 days. He was very open minded. Great sense of humor, he always made and still makes me laugh. So there was just one more area I had to test… would he be a good father?

​Without getting married and having kids, how was I to know? So I started bringing him around when I knew little kids and babies were going to be present. I wanted to see if he was the squishy wishy, playful guy or the “please get this thing away from me” kind of guy. It took a while, we had some false starts, and some borderline experiences but I finally determined he would be a very conscious father, read lots of books on parenting, and with that kind of intelligence and willingness to explore life, I figured he’d be an ideal dad for the kind of kids I wanted to raise.

When I described David to my sister, brothers, and parents, they knew I was done looking. Besides the Big 4, David had a ton of other attributes from my secondary list. Integrity, truth, honor, courage, inner strength, ambition, motivation, dignity, and the desire to do something important with his life instead of just squeaking by.

​The long and short of it … we got married. 

Those four attributes never wavered. Today he still has all four. I really credit myself with thinking about all of this before I met him. I can’t stress how important that part is.​

Now, If you are in a relationship because you fell into it, it can be difficult to determine if you should stay together or not. If you don’t have your list done before you get into a relationship then there is a tendency to ask, “Is he/she good enough?” You’ve got to use zero-sum thinking. Get fully in touch with your key attributes. Ask yourself, “What qualities must my future mate have in order for me to be happy with them?” Then, and only then, ask yourself if your current partner has those attributes. If you do it the opposite way it will come out like this, “Well, what do I like most about my current partner?” And that way leads the wrong direction. You end up settling for something you may or may not want. In some cases, the bird in the hand is not worth as much as the shit of the one in the bush.

Knowing what you want in a partner is the very first step to becoming a vibrational match for him or her. Think of it like shopping for groceries. If you make your list ahead of time, you get everything you want and need. If you just go to the store and start haphazardly throwing items into your basket because they look good, what happens when you get home? You may realize, “Oh, I’ve got this lovely Egusi soup here but I forgot to buy Garri. Oh well, I guess I’ll just make the best of it and lick only soup” You know that what you really want is correct Egusi and hot Eba...hmm but you will have to manage what you have... Hunger knocking...

​Finding the partner of your dreams is all about figuring out what you really want so that when you see it you’ll know to grab it and hang on. Hopefully, you’re a match for their list as well. If not, you’ll have to keep looking. To make your list, use character and personality traits. You don’t want to decide things like “Must be a lawyer” because that may not last. I find that character is what really counts.

So what was on David's list you’re wondering? According to him he was looking for a, “Good cook, moderate boobs and butt, and a mother.” Didn’t I tell you he was funny? He still buys me salads or chocolates occasionally so I always look forward to welcoming him home so that he can give me my gift. And when he talks current affairs, I still swoon. I forgot to say that he is sooooo romantic. Now there’s a love that will last a life time lol.

So to summarize:

1. Decide what you want in a partner

2. When you find someone new measure him or her against your list

3. If he or she doesn’t have the top attributes let him or her go, don’t waste time.

4. Keep looking, don’t settle, until you find what you really want.

5. Then go to work. Bring out the best in you. Trust me, this is a very important step. 

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Start making that list NOW!

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