He Said/She Said
SHE SAID: I grew up in a single-parent home with my mother who, by default, was (and remains) the breadwinner. She went on to date and marry, and in every relationship, she brought home the bacon and fried it up, with no complaints from the lucky men she was with. For me, the breadwinner wife "trend" (according to the New York Times) is just the norm.
That's not to say that I'm ignorant to the fact that some men would have a problem with it. Money is not just money, after all, and to many it represents success, power and strength...all qualities that, I must add, are not exclusively male ones. Am I being naive? Perhaps. But I'm not sure I'd want to date someone who would squirm uncomfortably every time I brought home a paycheck. I want someone who celebrates all of my successes, monetary ones included.
When I asked a select few ex-boyfriends for their opinion, they enthusiastically agreed that it's completely acceptable for women to be breadwinners. Granted, their answers were perhaps a bit self-serving considering my streak of dating not-exactly-employed struggling musicians, but even my most alpha-male breadwinning ex, when questioned, asked "where can I find one?"
Like the New York Times article pointed out, the unemployment rate for men is 10 percent, compared to 7.6 percent for women, so whether it's "okay" or not, reality is in favor of women as breadwinners. Now is not the time to let ego get in the way of paying rent and putting food on the table.
HE SAID: Let me start by stating that I am about to reveal one of the dirty little secrets men have and lie about constantly. The reality is that it takes an exceptionally confident and self-assured man to be comfortable with a woman being the bread-winner in a relationship. As a gender we don't admit this. “Of course!” we say. “I wish my wife was so that I could stay home” we boast. “How great would it be to not have to work?” we ponder smugly, as if having a partner that lived up to this would solve all our problems. But most of us that say these things are lying through our collective grinning teeth.
The truth is that, while most men are attracted to women with power (and money is a vehicle for power), we do not want powerful women for partners. The idea of a woman that desires, earns, and achieves more is scary. Most men simply do not want to compete with their partners for power. Our partners can earn, do, and achieve slightly more than us and we're fine with it. It's a fun and friendly competition, and it helps keep us honest and focused. If, however, you eclipse us to the point that we can't out earn or success you, we'll lose interest faster than you can say "corner office".
For those of you that watched Sex in the City, remember Steve breaking up with Miranda because she wanted to buy him an expensive suit for an event at her law firm? He said, "No way. I'll start to think of you like my mother...You need to be with someone more on your level." Now, I realize this is horribly unfair. The reality, though, is that most men would rather reach down than up economically. It's safer, less stressful, more comfortable, and ultimately sad. This is why it takes an exceptional man to be in a relationship with a bread-winner. Exceptional men don't measure themselves solely against their partner's income or success. They measure themselves by knowing who they are, understanding the difference they make in their partner's life, and by celebrating their partner's success instead of being jealous of it.
Women are outearning, outpacing, and outshining men like never before. Have you met some real-world female breadwinners.
Hi, I just found out about this blog, and I love it already. Hope to add u on bbm soon
ReplyDeleteOh thank you so very much Abby love. I just started it and hope it achieves what I want it to... With people like you I am encouraged already lol. Hope to see you on BBM soon. Watch out, something really exciting is about to pop up *wink*
Delete@ Muna yes I have, once lived in a compound where most of their wives where the breadwinners and everythg was normal that u can't even kno if u r not told. Though I gotta be frank wid u, it takes an exeptnal man 2 be in a relationship where his woman is d breadwinner
ReplyDelete*sips nuvo and diva vodka*
Women being the bread winner is on the rise. I think women earning more than men can be devastating to relationships unless the guy is doing something the wife regards as ertraordinary.
ReplyDeleteMore women than ever are the main breadwinners in their families, according to new research for a report entitled The Condition of Britain
Two million working mothers are the biggest earners in their families, a rise of 80% in the last 15 years. In nearly a third of couples with children, the mother is a breadwinner, defined by the report from the IPPR
So, let's tackle this: Is the Breadwinning Woman less satisfied with her marriage?
Yes...
Did I shock you? Allow me to explain my answer. Breadwinning Women are less satisfied with their marriages because most of the marriages are still following the traditional division of labor, whether or not the woman works and whether or not she is the primary breadwinner. Thus, the breadwinning woman in a family now takes on the traditional wage-earning role of the man, while retaining MOST or ALL of the responsibilities for the traditional caretaking roles of the woman, rendering her a STRESSED OUT BASKET CASE. LOL but this is serious.
When a child is sick who takes care of her/him? who rushes to the doctor? When somthing happens at school who do the school administrators call first?
When it comes to kids, society overburdens the mother and basically ignores the father.
At the marriage level, the solution is in the re-negotiation of the roles in the family. The dual-working parents couple must now absolutely attempt to divide the caretaking responsibilities, such as school drop offs, babysitter management, play date scheduling, food buying and cooking, cleaning, vacation planning, and house maintenance in a more equal way.
Let me temper the above by saying that there are moments in which the kids need mom and not dad. Why, because we have soft bosoms that smell like flowers, and it just isn't the same to cry into some hairy, musty muscular chest.
Let's talk about the NEEDS of the Breadwinning Woman, and allow me to shock you further: for every penny of money that they make, they may not need finaicial support from the husband but they need as an additional dose of emotional support, intimacy and connection. They actually just want to be taken care of, they want to surrender, they want someone else to plan, decide, execute and control... at least some of the time. If you are a breadwinning woman, your husband better offer more than healthy competition for external accomplishments; he better offer some heart, some soul, and some you know what.
The divorce rate has increased dramatically in the last few decades across all types of marriage configurations, and the major cause of it is MONEY. EGO, OWO,KUDI
My oh my this is mind blowing.... This may actually be the true picture ooo... God bless us women.. And to think we were regarded as the weaker sex? Hmmmm. Thanks sweetie.
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